Kim Kardashian threw a party over the weekend at White House and apparently walked down a catwalk greeting fans. But none of that’s important. What is important is the fact that I’ve seen less insulation on a fucking astronaut. So, without further ado and in spite of the cries from our server, I ask you, intrepid readers, the most controversial question of our time: Is Kim Kardashian wearing a buttpad?
DISCUSS!
Karina Smirnoff and her Dancing With The Stars lover/partner A.C. Slater hit the beach in Miami over the holiday weekend. Slater and Karina attempted to pull off some dance moves in the ocean until Karina’s bare nipple hit him in the nose. A.C. responded by dumping her ass face first into the sea. All, while screaming, “Ew! EW! Ohmygod ohmygod it touched my nose! Does anyone have a wetnap? Seriously.”
NOTE: Pics link to NSFW versions. Unless your boss is cool with Saved By the Bell characters getting nipped in the retina then, by all means, proceed.
Melanie Brown, a.k.a. Scary as Hell Spice, donned her bikini and downed champagne while vacationing in Miami over the weekend. Jesus, I would love for our abs to battle. Mostly to hear the distinctive “clank” of metal on metal followed by “Shit, love, we should have a drink.” Next thing you know, it’s the Mel B Signature Move: Kerpow! Paternity suit. Why didn’t you warn me, Eddie Murphy?
British FHM model Bianca Gascoigne lounged around in her bikini this weekend with some gal pals. Some of you across the pond might also recognize Bianca from her nude pictorial in, I can’t believe I’m typing this, Nuts Magazine (Link is way NSFW). For those of you here in America that are wondering why should we care, obviously, you missed the mission statement of this site:
Breasts.
More bikini pics coming up because, dammit, I missed you guys.
Lindsay Lohan went for a dip while partying in Cannes over the weekend. Is anyone else terribly disappointed by these pics as I am? I mean, you’d figure Lindsay Lohan in a bikini would look jugs-rific but not so much. So basically, Lindsay Lohan naked = meh. Lindsay Lohan in a bikini = meh meh. But Lindsay Lohan rocking the push-up bra = WOO-HOO!!! Remind me to send her a gift card to Victoria’s Secret. And some super glue.
EDIT: Speculation is high that this isn’t Lindsay Lohan, so I added some more shots. Personally, I’m having my doubts. No boobies, no freckles but the face and body look like her. Also the shots were taken in Eden Roc where Lindsay is staying. This will be one of the greatest debates of our time - until later when I post some wicked ass Kim Kardashian pics. Bam! I just popped you with a teaser. You should really wear a cup when visiting this site.
Britney Spears made an appearance at designer Christian Audigier’s 50th birthday party and brought her agent/new man-toy Jason Trawick. You may remember him as the other gelatinous figure standing next to Britney during her Costa Rican getaway. Take note: This guy got an up close look at Britney Spears in a bikini and went “Hmm. How does one mount such a thing?” Answer: You don’t. It mounts you. ABORT!
Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong are taking their relationship public and were spotted in Monaco enjoying a day of aquatic romance. I like to believe that after their boat ride, Lance put his arm around Kate and softly whispered in her ear, “Kate, when we have sex later, I should probably warn you I’m missing a nut. End transmission.” *sniff* He’s a keeper.
Brooke Hogan was involved in a car accident Sunday on the Bayside Bridge in Florida. TMZ has a copy of the police report while I have a danish:
According to the report, the other car collided with Brooke’s, pushing her into the left concrete barrier wall. Brooke’s car came to rest on the left shoulder, while the other car went back across the bridge and came to rest on the right shoulder. The report indicates that, according to witnesses, the other car was speeding. Florida Highway Patrol reps tell TMZ Brooke was not at fault.
Brooke then went straight home from the scene and, like any good East German shot-putter, blogged on her MySpace profile, according to TMZ. She thanked her brother Nick and the kid he put in a coma for reminding her to wear a seatbelt. Nice! But then she took it down. Aww. Brooke’s probably just embarrassed that her passenger isn’t a vegetable which makes me wish Congress would start cracking down on sibling rivalry. But after I pants my brother at his own wedding next week.
Respected actor/director Sydney Pollack passed away Monday after battling cancer for the past 10 months, according to Reuters:
Pollack, whose illness first came to public attention after unspecified health issues led him to withdraw last August as director of an HBO television movie, died at his home in the coastal Los Angeles suburb of Pacific Palisades at about 5 p.m. local time, surrounded by his family.
The Directors Guild of America issued a statement on Monday night saluting him as “the quintessential ‘actor’s director”‘ and a gifted filmmaker who “let the dialogue and the emotion of a scene speak for itself.”
Sydney Pollack’s more recent roles included appearances on NBC’s Will & Grace as Will’s father, and a lawyer in the George Clooney drama Michael Clayton. He was one a hell of a filmmaker and will truly be missed. Rest in Peace.
The Superficial will be embarking on an epic three-day weekend, and I hope you guys have some fun in the sun like our pal Britney. As for me, I’m not doing anything special. Just relaxing and participating in the usual recreational activities of the common man. So, that said, I’ll see you all on the moon for the Annual Supermodel Lamborghini Race. Don’t forget to bring the gold bars - or it’s wedgies for you!* Ha ha!
Happy Memorial Day, everybody! See you on Tuesday.
*And also deportation into deep space, so, seriously, bring the fucking gold. Tootles!
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