Were you born stupid?

This is hilarious!!! Remember this the next time you need to return
 something and they are giving you a hard time!!!!!!!
 A woman went to a WalMart service counter and told the clerk she
 wanted a refund for the toaster she bought becau se it won’t work
 The clerk told her that he couldn’t give her a refund because she
 bought it on special ‘as is’a.

 Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started
 screaming,

 ’PINCH MY NIPPLES,
 PINCH MY NIPPLES,
 PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!’

 The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager
 in front of a gro wing crowd of customers.

 The manager comes to the woman and asks,’Ma’am what’s wrong?’

 She explains the problem with the toaster, and he also tells her
 that he can’t give her a refund because she bought it on special
 ’as is’.

 Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and screams,

 ’PINCH MY NIPPLES,
 PINCH MY NIPPLES,
 PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!’
 which begins to draw an even bigger crowd!

 In shock, the store manager pleads,
 ’Ma’am, why are you saying that?’

 In a huff, the woman says,

 ’ BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE
 MY NIPPLES PINCHED
 WHEN I’M BEING SCREWED!!’

 The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded!!
 

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He says people how wear flag pins are displaying  fake patriotism. Or maybe he is going to be a fake President.

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A manager at
Wal-Mart had the task of hiring
someone to fill a
job opening.
After sorting through a stack of resumes he
found four people who were equally
qualified.
He
decided to call the four in and ask them
only one
question. Their answer would determine
which of
them would get the job.

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1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere . . . but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
“Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.
She said “There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!” So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, “In the lake.”

8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?” The driver said, “No, jump in!”

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

12. I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?” I said, “Dust!” 

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A woman wearing a wedding dress and parked beside a pond drove into the water Wednesday after officers tried to take a bag of marijuana from her, police said.

When the state fish and game conservation officers and a nearby resident tried to rescue the woman from her sinking sport-utility vehicle, she bit the neighbor on the arm, authorities said.

The 42-year-old woman was eventually taken to shore, then to a hospital, police said. It was not immediately known whether she was hurt or what her condition was.

The conservation officers were checking on the woman, who was parked alone by Saltmarsh Pond in eastern New Hampshire. She became upset and reached for a bag of marijuana, police said. When one of the officers tried to grab the bag, the woman drove off, speeding around the parking lot and then into the water.

She will be charged with reckless conduct, simple assault, driving after suspension and transporting a controlled drug, police said.

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A man trying to loosen a stubborn lug nut blasted the wheel with a 12-gauge shotgun, injuring himself badly in both legs, sheriff’s deputies said.

The 66-year-old man had been repairing a Lincoln Continental for two weeks at his home northwest of Southworth, about 10 miles southwest of Seattle, and had gotten all but one of the lug nuts off the right rear wheel by Saturday afternoon, Kitsap County Deputy Scott Wilson said.

“He’s bound and determined to get that lug nut off,” Wilson said.

From about arm’s length, the man fired the shotgun at the wheel and was “peppered” in both legs with buckshot and debris, with some injuries as high as his chin, according to a sheriff’s office report.

“Nobody else was there and he wasn’t intoxicated,” Wilson said.

The man was taken to Tacoma General Hospital with injuries Wilson described as severe but not life-threatening.

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A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he
notices a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders
hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl is wearing a fire fighter’s helmet. The wagon is being pulled
by her dog and her cat. The fire fighter walked over to take a
closer look.

“That sure is a nice fire truck,” the fire fighter says with admiration.

“Thanks” the girl says.

The firefighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied
the wagon to her dog’s collar and to the cat’s testicles.

“Little Partner”, the fire fighter says, “I don’t want to tell you how to
run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat’s collar too,
I think you could go faster.”

The little girl replies thoughtfully, “You’re probably right… but then I wouldn’t have a siren.”

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I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other
stall saying: “Hi, how are you?”I’m not the type to start a conversation in the men’s restroom
but I don’t know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, “Doin’ just fine!”And the other guy says: “So what are you up to?”What kind of question is that? At that point, I’m thinking this
is too bizarre so I say: “Uhhh, I’m like you, just traveling!”At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I
hear another question.“Can I come over?”Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could
just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him, “No……..I’m a little busy right now!!!”Then I hear the guy say nervously…“Listen, I’ll have to call you back. There’s an idiot in the other
stall who keeps answering all my questions!!!

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The man discovered COLORS and invented PAINT,
The woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.

The man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION,
The woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.

The man discovered GAMBLING and invented CARDS,
The woman discovered CARDS and invented WITCHERY.

The man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD,
The woman discovered FOOD and invented DIET.

The man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE,
The woman discovered LOVE and invented MARRIAGE.

The man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY,
The woman discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING.

Thereafter man has discovered and invented a lot of things…
While the women STUCK to shopping….

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